<< Fuck. again >>

I duno what the hell I have been doing these days. I just know that I am sinking into depression mood again. ArghHH. I am not OK! Why am I going through all these shit again and again? I need to release all my emotion that is building up inside me!!! Every little thing is enough to make me lose control of my emotion. Everything is so gloomy out there. I just feel like staying in bed with my blanket and rot there. I dun wan to go school, I dun wan to go out and I just dun feel like doing anything now. I need a hug BADLY and maybe a shoulder too. I know I have been offending alot of people and my attitude really sucks but i simply DUN CARE. just LEAVE ME ALONE. fuck.

<< Sick Day >>

Decided not to go sch today. Cant catch up with the lecture anyway.
I am super sick and weak after all the puking session yest.
The sch toilet auntie was so mean to chase me out after staying in the cubicle too long.
Damn it. Should have puke on her face instead of the toilet bowl!
I can still hear my stomach churning. It was terrible worse than dying.

I duno whether to give up my centre tuition or private tuition.
Have been feeling vexed about this issue. Arghhh.
After thinking for so many days I still cant make up my mind.
Indecisive! If it is for money wise, I should quit my centre tuition.
But I cant bear to leave my centre kids esp my sunday class.
I have been teaching them since yr 2004. They know my teaching style thou abit sarcastic and I know their strengths and weaknesses. We love each other.
I have seen the improvements they made throughout the 2 years.
Even thou they are very naughty and sometimes make me angry, they meant no harm. They are just a bunch of pure innocent kids, isnt it?
I hv dropped hints on leaving more than once. But when I saw the sad expression on their face, my heart just softened and I stayed on..
Blame it on my sentimental character.

High pay job and job satisfaction dosent coexist and never will. Hate it.

<< Sunshine after the Rain >>

Sunshine after the rain.
I finally got over my depression period.
Last two weeks was horrible and super depressed.
I was almost on the verge on breaking down and cry.
My world feels like collapsing and I seem to lost my soul.
I have long forgotten what is the feeling of being happy.
And there is no reason for me to smile.
I am glad I am smiling now.
I really feel alot better than last week.

And what makes me more happy is receiving Angie msg from msia.
She is coming back next week and we gonna eat ice cream again. Yuppie.
I am gonna resume our ice cream eating gathering soon.
I miss u guys and I promise the next time you see me I will be recharged and of course happier. =)

Met up with Moo yesterday for lunch.
Bankus, hope to have lunch with you in ntu soon.
I was supposed to help her do her FYP survey but i couldnt wake up on time.
Moo, you are arousing my curosity! The more you dun let me know about the content of the survey, the more I wanted to know. Hump.

Chinese New Year is around the corner.
It is spring cleaning time! My mum constant nagging is driving me crazy.
Discard the old and welcome the new.
I think this is the only time where I can really sit down to rest.
and hopefully to catch up on my tutorials.
**Doesnt it sound pathetic to stay home to do tutorial on chinese new year?

<< Totally stressed out >>

I was on my way to the bus stop when this indian lady in front of me was throwing pieces and pieces of the aluminium foil peeled from her maize corn bought from the pasar malam. Then she started to eat her maize and spit those inedible portion onto the floor. I was so digusted by her behaviour that i overtook her and turn around to get a view of that horrible litterbug. I cursed that one day she will be caught to do CWO!

Few days back I rcv a good news from TiFF that we can do consignment at one of the stall at bugis. I was so happy and brought the goods down but just few hours before meeting TiFF, i rcv a call from her that we are not doing consigment at bugis le due to some stupid management rules. Then the next day we try our luck at hougang point. We approached the stall owner and was rejected straight in the face. Fuck.

Had a chat with TiFF. We talked about our next strategy and it links to alot of topic. Heard TiFF talked about her interesting course Tourism in TP and how she enjoyed her 3 yrs there while I hv nothing to share with her. Listen to TiFF talked about her own problem. She was caught between whether to change job. I realised that in life we dont always have a choice and when you have to make a choice do make the right one cause there wont be turning back. I told TiFF I feel like quitting sch or defer my course to concentrate full time on the business. I feel guilty for not devoting enough time on it.

Went for tuition as usual. I love my sunday class. Its my favorite class. But I dun seem to enjoy teaching anymore. In the past I teach because of passion, now I do it for money. Money is so important in this materalistic world. Its money that make the world goes round.

Today they have endless of math questions to ask and one student asked me a creative thinking math question. I was glad that I know! I always tell my students not to give up and keep on trying. I was easier said than done. I cant even do it. I was feeling so frustrated now. So many things weighing on my mind.

<< Another Rainy Day >>

Its another rainy day. My hands are so cold and the tap water is freezingly cold. I thought i will sleep until very late cos yesterday night i slept at 5am. Surprisingly i woke up at 10am without the alarm clock. With the alarm clock i have the tendency to overslept i realised. Strange. I was shocked when i looked into the mirror and saw my super dark circles. Its my mascara from last night!! Forgot to remove. Hee. My stomach has been feeling weird plus pain *ouch since last night after the mee goreng and green tea. It feel like those gastric pain that i even have problem lying down on my bed. I am not going to have late supper anymore. ("/)

Went MOS yesterday with Tiff, CK and Sandra. I almost wanted to change my mind last minute cos i was very tired and it was already so late. I heard that the queue was super long. The thought of queueing put me off. Luckily we are in the VIP queue. The place is very big and spacious, they have escalator to the 2nd floor. so cool. And the washroom its so nice and big. It looks like some studio makeup room cos there are seats for each mirror. The music is nice too but i was been pushed out of the dance floor cos it was TOO CROWDED! *Argh. They really know how to squeeze through the crowd. My white shoes has been stepped hundred of times! So we went back to the cosy enclosed room to dance instead. Its only us on the dance floor.Haa. But Tiff doesnt seem to be enjoying herself. We left at 3am after that and went to the prate shop at Yio Chu Kang road. Its so fun I wana to go there again!! ^_^

<< Rainy Day >>

:: Rain rain go away. Come again another day. ::
The weather is so cold and the rain wont stop.
Dun ever leave home without your jacket and umbrella!
It has been raining the whole afternoon le.
Becos of the stupid rain, i din managed to dine in clarke quay. =(
I ended up in Marina Square swensen.
Nothing special about their baked rice and service is lousy too!
It will be my second and last time going to swensen. I swear.

Sch has started since last week.
Have been busy buying notes and printing tutorial.
Thur and Fri are my earliest day. =)
But lesson on mon and wed starts at 830am. =(
The roller coaster gonna start next week. Hold tight!
Moo, send me your timetable.

I am not writing any further cos TiFF is online.
Gotta send her photo and check vacancy for my GE module.
Anybody interested to go MOS? TiFF is going with her colleagues.

<< Happy New Year >>

Hey ppl, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Wishing u guys a more fulfilled life in the year 2006 and stay happy throughout the 365 days.
Wanted to blog on the eve of new year but was still in 'concussion' .
I guess i drank too much on fri which is Wendy's 21st bdae. Bdae falls on the last day of the year, it must be a long long wait..
I intend to stay at home and sleep early on tt day but TiFF msg me in the noon to help her wrap up wendy's bdae present and deliver to her workplace!
I was abit unwilling to deliver to her but in the end i still went. Trying to be service-oriented..
TiFF said the super big yellow wrapper bag was very ugly but i still think its very nice.
Its my first time going to sushi tei at taka. The location is so wulu. Ya like wat TiFF had said the taxi queue real freak us out and the yellow wrapper really attract alot of attention.
Gal, can see tt u are excited about gg to m.o.s and really disappointed when it was cancelled due to the long queue. I ***promise i will go next time k.

We went to partyworld ktv instead. Its my first time there too.
Going to K is much more healthier than gg to chiong.
Gal, i din know u got such fun loving friends.
Even a introvert like me is mixing well with them.
It was a fun and enjoyable night. *_^

I am left with today and tmr to enjoy before sch starts.
I havent really sit down to seriously plan my timetable.
All my things are half done and i am out almost every day.
Next sem gonna be the most busiest sem tt i ever have.
And i hv taken up two new tuition assignment.
I want to live a hectic life maybe tts the only way i will be fulfilled with my life.

I duno wats wrong with me these few days.
I hv a very depressing look and i carry with it wherever i go.
Sorry to make those who care abt me worry so much.
I am really fine. Thanks Gerald.