<< I passed all >>

The exam results always release unexpectedly one.
Hv been worrying like hell on my way hm.
Heard frens fail thermo n design.Some fail math. Some fail fluid.
Arghhh. Its making me getting nervous.
"I am gonna fail. " This sentence keeps appearing in my head.
Realli dun dare to check but in the end still need to check one.
Oh my god, i am surprised tt i cleared all even the killer papers. Plus two As somemore.
Good news. Great news. AABCCCCD. I am satisified.
What more can i ask for. Thank God tt i passed.
Really proud of my little achievements.
This sem i overload> 25 AUs and yet i can get such results.
:: Gal, u are capable arent u? ;P ::
I will continue to work hard to get more As.

But he wasnt happy with his grades even tho he passed.
He was feeling sad, feeling down.
I wish i can cheer him up but i dun think he need me anymore.
I rem how he used to cheer me up when i was feeling down.
But it is all past tense now.
I need to remind myself our fantasy is over.
Pls pls wake up!!

<< More secrets discovered >>

I duno if i am invading his privacy by looking at his blog.
If he knows about it, he will be angry with me.
If i dun tell anybody then he wun know lo. ^_^
Haiz, anyway we are going to be ordinary frens le so y not just read it.
Well, at least i get to know him better thro his blog.

Having some mixed feelings aft reading his blog.
He is a lonely guy constantly looking out for his dream gal.
He has alot of crush here n there.
His reason for love is companionship.
Cos most of his frens are attached.
I read abt the story of him n his crush.
Mine is nth compared to theirs.
I am nothing but just another crush of his.
Its all an illusion that happened in one nite, tts all.
How can there be love between me n him?
Nothing will cum out of it. I think too much.
But anyway he has given up le. (I am not sure. I think yes ba)
And i hv slowly getting used to not msging him.
We are just passer-by in each others' life.
He continue to search for his dream gal while i go pursuit my dreams.
I am not turning back anymore le. He wont turn back too. :'(
I almost wanted to let him know how i feel abt him but i decided not to in the end.
I wanted to ask him out for a walk but kick off the idea in the end.
I am hoping he will ask me out again but everyday is an empty wait.
He has really given up on me le.
Maybe he is tired too ba.
Just let go this fate ba.

Its time to wake up, i really need to remind myself million of times!
I am going to channel all my time n energy on tuition.
I am not going to let relationship bother me anymore.
I am the one who let go this opportunity.
Since i hv chosen to take this course then i shldnt regret.
Even if there are tears i am not gg to let it drop.
Shit me! ARGH.

<< Sad Day >>

Today i discovered a secret. I was just trying my luck.
And i found his blog...

Sunday, May 08, 2005
" ur time is more precious.dun waste it.hope u get wat i mean"very demoralising... think i will give up ... dun bother her liao ... spend countless sms consoling her, encouraging her not to give up ... crapping with one another keeping each other company ... y i always fall for the wrong person at the wrong time ... first was elaine, then alice, then her ... farking suay lo ... i hate the feeling ... really hate it ... sometime i hope i am emotionless ... i tried to cool abt life liao ... but then ... a lot of things stil not within ctrl. i choose not to love, i choose not to share, i choose to be selfish, i choose to be bad.i am happier since i know her ... she brightened up my life, making it move again ... i am sure my fren can see the cheerfulness in me these days ... gonna be over soon ... back to my cigee ... my best pal ever ... ... littl3 princ3 at 12:17 AM

Friday, April 22, 2005
"cumming 11th of may suppose to b our 2 yrs anni.no more. ""not ready 4 di er chun yet coz he is constantly on my mind"just some usual sms between us ... think the feeling come at the wrong time for me again ... should i give it a miss? she put it thru so nicely liao lo ... haha back to square one ...she is a nice gal, same frequency too ... can communicate easily ... haha sian liao nothing more to look forward after exam le ...p.s : rin, u got it right tat time ... :) littl3 princ3 at 1:45 AM

Monday, April 11, 2005
exam around the corner, getting more n more tired liao... must hang on till the end lo....project just ended, happen to know 2 nice gal from this project.... one of them is my lecture hall eye candy... Vz: she is sweet, cute, forever cheerful ... the other is p.m ... J: she is more independent, crappy and lovely at times. suddenly find myself falling into love again, or was it crush? dun worry too much la...hope things will straighten themselve out... dun wan to be troubled by this kinda thing anymore... gd nite and gd luck for my exam littl3 princ3 at 3:00 AM

Friday, March 25, 2005
finally has got something to write...today is a happy day... talk to my lecture hall eye candy today... i was discussing project with p.m and she was her fren... whooooooo~~ she is so cute so sweet... ever cheerful... :) her smile will melt every guy ... hope to have more chance to know her ... late le update again tml~~~ zzzzz littl3 princ3 at 2:27 AM

Maybe i shouldnt have come into the picture.
You see, he like Vz in the lst place.
And he oso told me before he find her cute.
Then why now he xi huan shang wo.
If the 1 nite stay in sch din happen, maybe now we wun feel so sad.
I feel even more upset cos i know i hv hurt him in one way or another.

<< Our fantasy has ended >>

"i am happier since i know her ... she brightened up my life, making it move again ... i am sure my fren can see the cheerfulness in me these days ... gonna be over soon ... "

This is from his blog. I agree with this too. He really brightened up my day.
I wake up everyday hoping to see his msg. And to msg him.
I rem i used to wait for Mx msg too. U know the feeling of waiting for tt someone msg?
He is the 2nd person to let me feel this way.
But too bad all this is cuming to an end like what he has written. "gonna be over soon... "
Or maybe it has already come to an end.
Happiness is always short lived.
Sadness always last for a longer period.
Now i wake up everyday to find myself in reality not in a dream anymore.
I need to remind myself "our fantasy has ended "
We no longer msg each other tt often le.
We hv less things to talk abt now.
Sometimes i find it hard to start a conversation with him.
Maybe he feel the same way too tts y he din msg me tt often le.
I still online becos of him but he is too busy with his game.
Maybe he feels tt no point wasting time on someone who wun reciprocate.

Yes,i was the one to make it cum to an end.
I am not ready for another relationship.
I still haven get over Mx. Its the guilt. Its gonna live with me forever.
I din tell him about my guilt. I just cant accept his love.
Everytime i push him to somebody, i feel upset too.
I am pushing someone i like to somebody. Yet i hv to pretend i dun care at all.
Everytime he mention abt some gals, i feel jealous.
I hv to hide my feelings and pretend tt i feel happy for him.
Maybe i should be glad tt we are still friends.
I duno wat i will do if i lost him completely.
But that day will come one day...
I will treasure the time we are still frens.
I cant stop u from leaving my life but i can keep the memory of u in my life.

<< My long weekends >>

Hv not been writing my blog for these few days.
Am I really that busy? Hmm..let me recall what i hv done over the weekends.
Last fri i went coffee bean with Huiya n Juan.
Then sat i went for tuition. I bought their presents.
It was all in a rush n i hv a tight budget.
Can see that they were quite disappointed with the presents. :(
But at least now i know they prefer choc.

Sun i went for Jianyu's bdae party. It was a bit boring.
We were too early le so we went to tampines mall and ate Long John there.
U gals are not around to plan the escape. I missed Bankus n Peiru.
But luckily we hv Moo! She has it all planned. She even bought an umbrella just in case it rains when we want to escape. What a brilliant cow. Hee.

Mon i went to JB with Gina. I din know its so tiring to travel around to find good food n eat non stop every hour.
But lady luck isnt with us. We plan to go eat buffet at the hotel there but mon NO buffet! Only tue to thur. Shit.
Then we went to watch movie. I tot it was only RM6. But not on mon! Mon is RM9. Tue then RM6. Shit.
Then we left city square at 9pm and it was already jam at the causeway. Shit.
And i cant believe that we actually WALK from city square to spore custom.
Its quite a distance leh. All in sweat. Yucks.

Thats how i spend my weekends. :(
Looking forward to get my pay soon.

<< Another FriDay Nite >>

Its another FriDay night.
Suppose to be gazeboo gathering but kh meeting bf.
Missed Moo Moo. Haven seen her for quite some time.
Went for coffee with juan n huiya instead.
Planning to go chomp chomp but i hv eaten at hm.
Juan eating steamboat at bukit timah.
Hey arent we suppose to eat dinner together at chomp chomp?!
Poor huiya. Hv to da bao to my hse to eat and wait for juan.

Juan has arrived. We decided to go coffee bean at sgoon gdn.
Went there and sat there until it closed.
Juan talked about changing job and friends.
Huiya talked about visiting countries. Europe, Cairo, Japan etc.
I talked about travelling too and my EID proj and being broke. :(
Our conversation always surround around the same topic.
Always plan to go abroad together but nv once realise it.
Money, money,money. I need money!

I must work hard to earn as much as possible during this holiday.
And i must save hard. But it seems impossible.
You need to spend some money here n there everyday.
I really hate the feeling of broke. It really spoil my mood.
Alot of things cannot do. Arghhh.

Where has all my goals gone?
I dun wan to go online to chat everyday with tt someone.
But i cant! I am addicted. I need a dose of nickeric every night before i can sleep soundly.
Can i hv sth to do pls? Ya, do the business plan.
Hope the tuition agencies will call me soon.

Another friday night has ended.
Hope the next one will be more meaningful.

<< Dun ever hurt him >>

I realise i cant do my routine stuff without msging him.
I even initiate to msg him when he dun msg me.
And i get upset when he doesnt reply my msg fast.
I online almost every night becos of him.
And i only want to chat with him and no one else.
It feels so great to hv someone caring for u. Feel loved.
Oh shit! What am i doing? Hv i fallen for him too?
I am gonna stop this before i sink deeper into it.
" But why not?", I asked myself.

But i plan to stay single as long as i could until all my frens are attached. * My freedom theory again*
And to earn a lot of money to enjoy life.
Let that be my new found goal in life.
I am not going to fall in love anymore.
I want back all my freedom.
To be loved is always a blessing. To love is always torturing.
I want to be selfish for once. Just once.

Sometimes i really hate myself.
So much so tt i feel like stabbing myself 30 times.
There live a devil n angel inside me.
I want to be a devil n an angel at the same time.
My life is always full of contradiction. Argh. I hate this.

I cant stop myself from falling but i dun wan myself to fall.
I duno what i really want. My heart is blind.
I know he likes me but I keep pushing him to somebody.
I know i hv some feelings for him but i keep denying it.
I am really afraid of hurting him if i were to accept him.
I am even more afraid of losing him.
But i cant just ignore him and treat that i hv never known him.
Cos he has stepped into my life.
I dun wan him to step out again.

To be frank with u, I am already addicted to u...

<< Night Cycling >>

It was a fun filled night, cycling and rollerblading.
And it was first time too.
Proudly organised by me and the guests are Huiya and Juan.
At first we are not very sure where to cycle to.
Hougang? Punggol? AMK? Bishan?
We met up first and cycle wherever there is road. Haha
We cycle to hougang then to my hse to pack some clothes
then go back to our sec sch. Well it was 1 plus le. Feeling hungry...
We cycle to upper sgoon to eat pungol nasi lemak!
Thats our main purpose> to eat supper?? Hee
But we end up eating porridge. Healthier ba.
Then we gossip abit. Talk about our sec frens, sec sch life.
Then we went back home. Thats the end of our noght cycling.
I cant believe tt we spent one hr to discuss whose hse shld i go to slp.
In the end i went to Juan hse to slp.
Will organise again. Hoping Kh & Ah mei wun miss out the fun again.
Goodnite..

<< Finding new goals >>

If I can choose, i would rather be mugging now than doing nothing at all!
The days after exam supposed to be relaxing and fun but i find myself not in the mood for anything.

One reason is becos i am broke. The lowest record tt i ever have.
Almost close to zero dollars in my bank account. Thats super pathetic.
Cant buy nice clothes.Cant make new contact.
Cant go out to play. Cant learn driving.
To be entertained needs money. Everything needs money.
I wish i can leave this small island. But it needs money too. Sigh.
Thats the meaning of poverty. :(

Second reason is ...
I had enough. I dun wish to talk abt it anymore.
No point talking about an expired rp.
Life needs to have goals.
It is time to look for new goals.
I want to keep myself preocccupied.
I dun wan to waste time thinking abt things tt i shouldnt be thinking at all.
I am looking forward to going back to sch on next mon.

I am glad tt i am finally back to work. Ya, I miss my tuition kids.
If i can get my pay in advance, it would be better.*dreaming
Nice to see them again. Glad to hear the familiar market noise in the classroom.
I should get more tuition assignment.
Ok, my new goal is to keep myself as busy as possible.

[Trying to forget someone u love is like trying to remember someone you hv never met before.
Time goes by, life goes on but your memories will stay forever.
I thought i hv become stronger but i hv become weaker instead.
You changed the colours of my world. You turned my world upside down.
I wan to run away from all these. But i cant run away from the fact tt i hv lost you.
I hate to deceive myself but yet i hv to do it.
Me wasnt me anymore.
I not only lost you, I lost myself too...]

<< Those were the days >>

Today supposed to be a happy day cos it was my last paper. But somehow I screw up during the exam. Did quite badly, gonna retake le. Things always went wrong in the last min. Was quite upset but what is done is done. I cant change anything but to prepare for the worst.

I met up with Kh after the paper. Huiya cant join us cos she meeting proj mates. We are supposed to go Orchard but duno why end up in Bugis. I hv nth to shop for so today's trip quite aimless. I juz dun wan to go home so early. Worried tt i hu si luan xiang again.

But today i saw a skirt quite nice. Went to try on and opps.. I like it very much!! Moo,its ur fault la. See, i told u i shouldnt go try and now i hv to buy it.

But in the end i din buy becos of some flaws. Mei zhong bu zhu. But i really like the skirt. Maybe i will go back to the shop again. If it is stilll there i will buy it no matter what. If i really like sth, i should accept its flaws rite?

I think we are getting old and less energetic. We used to be great shoppers. Maybe today we hv no aim ba and not in the right mood to shop. Their departure affected us? Bon voyage Peiru and Esther. We will miss u gals..Instead, we sat in Mac to chit chat. Here is where I sinked into the sad mood again. I hate it.

I thought I was alright for all this while. But today I realise I wasnt. Maybe i never was.

Yes, I still haven got over Mx...

<< Final Lap >>

Tmr is my last day for exams but i hv 0% confidence for tmr fluid. *Scared*
I hv a bad feeling that tmr I will do badly.
Tonite sure shi mian again.Hv been losing slp for the past few weeks. Arghhh!

I was mugging late into the night when my hp beeps. To my surprise, it was Mx. He sent me a self typed gd nite msg. I was over the moon to see his name appearing in my inbox again.Hope it is not first and last. I smiled. My first smile since the heartbreaking day.

Maybe Mx did it out of courtesy ba (coz the day before i sent him a gd nite msg) or maybe he still treat me as his fren ba. But watever itiz, he bought a smile to my face. :)